Lately my thoughts have centered on cancer. Cancer is a heavy word. It sinks into the pit of your stomach. From there it seems to draw the life out of your for a moment. It takes time to wrestle with and you never seem to get your hands on it. Cancer has been a part of our family now for the last three years. First my mother got colon cancer. Six months later I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Both of us came through with the grace of God. Then last month my mother was diagnosed breast cancer. Last week she had surgery and they found more cancer. So now she is looking at more surgery and chemo in the next few months. All of this has hit her very hard and it is tough to think about.
Today I wrote about Psalm 23, especially the words "I lack nothing". After I talked to my mom, these words again are lingering in my mind. I am struggling to put it all together and I can feel the tension. I am asking in my heart why God would allow her to continue with this. I know what the Bible says and I believe it to be true, but I lack the faith in this moment in time. In this space and context, I am looking for footing on a slippery rock. I know in time I will find my balance, but for right now I am uneasy.
The Lord is my shepherd and I look to Him to comfort us as a family. I know these are the times when our faith is tested and we grow the most. We don't understand everything that happens to us. So now I leave this in the tension of the now and pray for the peace of the Lord. Please pray for my mother.
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