Words and Flaws

One of my personality FLAWS is I take criticism personally. Being in ministry means you will be criticized and there isn't any way around it.  I’ll go one step further being married means you are going to be criticized. Having teenagers, neighbors, friends, family, I think you get the point.  Not everyone is going to agree with you and that is alright.  As I write this I realize my choice of words is reflecting my flaw.  Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean its criticism!  Maybe they are just trying to help you, what is their intent?  Most people I know have good intentions and truly don’t want to cause harm, but truly want to help you.    

I have two thoughts, first is thankfulness. God is forever working on me to be better. He loves me and wants me to be more like him in every way and thus he uses other people to help shape me. The second is grace. God extended me grace, even when I am stubbornly defiant. He has done this in the past and continues to extend me grace to guide me along, to learn to trust him.

The question for us all then is how are you going to handle the person who takes what you said wrong and runs with in directions you never thought of or intended? Do you lash out at them, or do you try to love on them and extend them grace? Do you say I'm sorry or do you take a stand?

Proverbs 15:1-2 says, "A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge attractive, but the mouth of fools blurts out foolishness."  How we respond matters.  What we say at the moment we read or hear something reflects our hearts.  Jesus said in Matthew 12:34b “For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.  When I read this Proverb I see the heart of the person.  The heart that loves God and loves others is the one who answers gently and who answers not to prove a point or to win the argument for argument sake, but wants the other person to grow in knowledge of truth. Plus I want to stay humble to know there may be a lesson for me to learn from the other person!  

The heart that is centered on self throws out the harsh words and is quick to criticize for the sake of being right.  In the process that person ends up being the fool.  Sadly, I know this not by observation but by experience, for I have played the fool far too many times in my life and in ministry. 

Paul said in Ephesians 4:29, “No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.  “No foul language”, looks like this in Greek πᾶς λόγος σαπρὸς, and literally means (no word rotten) Paul is using the word σαπρὸς (sapros), which means something that is in decay or unpleasant.  The word is meaning something has died and is rotten.  So the question to ask in light of this is, are your words killing or are they giving life?  Are you building up or are you “killing” something with your words. 

I am trying to be less the fool and more like the wise man. I love the people God has placed in my life. From my wife, my sons and family to my extended family in the church and everywhere else. And I am thankful he uses every one of them to help me grow, especially those closest to me.  I want my words to give life to others, to build them up and to help them grow in Christ. 

You should ask yourself a question before you say something, Are my words going build the other person up or kill something.  Something to think about.